Toxic fence-sitting: the folly and danger of a "holistic" "non-binary" approach to people in dispute, the case against cowardly neutrality.

My letter in today’s The West Australian reads:

“Often is a right side

Arylene Westlake-Jennings (“The toxic need to pick a side”, Opinion, 31/7) confuses two propositions: the first that we should not rush to judgment, the second that we should not make a judgment. The first is generally correct barring an emergency or clear case. The second proposition is wrong and dangerous; for example, it leaves the victim of an abusive relationship unsupported.”

This is the opinion article to which I was responding, omitting paragraph breaks:

"The toxic need to pick a side - Arylene Westlake Jennings

A couple have a volatile relationship, with physical and emotional abuse claims from both parties. One person takes out a VRO on the other. There is an admission of infidelity. And now friends have taken sides. Who told us we had to take a side? This whole idea is inherently toxic and the choice to buttress one half in a gesture of solidarity is pure fallacy. The pervasive binary mindset there is always a right/wrong, good/bad, best/worst prevents us from looking at an issue and viewing it holistically. Picking a side forces an unnecessary divide that fails to see less obvious or unexplored nuances and keeps us in a cycle of conflict. “When we choose a side, we often become blind to the flaws in our argument and only seek to support our viewpoint — a dangerous flaw of the human ego, which we all share,” The EQ Deficiency author Brittney-Nichole Connor-Savarda said. The psychologist, and authority on emotional intelligence, added taking a side often involved pride and a desire to be “right”, which can lead to hostility towards those who hold a different opinion. “This creates a breeding ground for conflict, as each side seeks to overpower the other rather than work towards a common goal,” Dr Connor-Savarda said. No one likes a fence-sitter but I’d rather that accusation than not be able to put my ego aside and accept I don’t have all the answers. What I can do is lend a listening, non-judgmental ear.”

What do you call it when, after a listening non-judgmental ear and realised that the merits are with one party"

Let us say you listen non judgmentally and realise that one party is the victim of the other’s misconduct or abuse. If you stay on the fence you are in the way.